Often, I’ll get asked which books I suggestfor social media. Sometimes I’ll quip, “[Besides Now Is Gone,] How to Win Friends and Influence People.” But in reality, while it’s something of a joke, but also a pretty serious recommendation (Image: Happy by kkoshy).
Dale Carnegie’s principles have stood the test of time because they are about fostering better relations amongst people. And the classic mistake with social media is to treat it like a mass communications vehicle, when it’s a conversational form that builds relationships. Social media is about a larger community and its concerns, as opposed to a litany of messages. There is no better set of guidelines for this then “Friends.”
For the United Way’s Staff Leaders Conference, Meg Keaney and I presented best practices for tactical social networking. We decided to embed and apply Dale Carnegie’s principles in the larger presentation (available here) to the three main social networks in the workplace: Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. We walked our participants through these suggestions online.
The exercise was actually pretty challenging, and it forced me to consider a lot of my actions on and offline and how I’ve strayed since I last read “Friends.” Here’s what we discussed:
Become a Friendlier Person
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most
important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Actions to Be Friendlier on Facebook
Actions to Be Friendlier on LinkedIn
Actions to Be Friendlier on Twitter
Win People to Your Way of Thinking
10.The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
11.Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
12.If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
13.Begin in a friendly way.
14.Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
15.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
16.Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
17.Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
18.Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
19.Appeal to the nobler motives.
20.Dramatize your ideas.
21.Throw down a challenge.
Actions to Win: LinkedIn & Facebook
Actions to Win on Twitter
Be a Leader
22.Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
23.Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
24.Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
25.Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
26.Let the other person save face.
27.Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your
approbation and lavish in your praise.”
28.Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
29.Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30.Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Actions to Lead (Across All Social Networks)
Certainly, we just scratched the surface on Carnegie’s principles and how they apply. What would you add?
This is an incredible list, and such a great application of Carnegie’s principles. I say they can be applied throughout organizations and other online marketing strategies as well. Good stuff!
Maria Reyes-McDavis
Thanks to JesseNewhart for directing me here and always giving great tweets. Sometimes we mess up and don’t follow these rules. I think forgiving ourselves and others for our mistakes and blunders is a huge part of healing our souls. Making and keeping friends takes conscious effort and awareness of how we are perceived by others. Truths remain forever.
Great article… social media is the actual offline interaction translated to 1′s and 0′s.
Hi Geoff,
Thank you for this post. It is timely in so many ways and it has me re-evaluating many things. Have a great weekend!
Good stuff, Geoff! Given my own post on the subject, you won’t be surprised that I agree with your whole approach and with your specific applications of Carnegie’s principles.
I would suggest a slight amendment to what you say about recommending others for following. You’re absolutely right that many people *do* treat Follow Friday as a meme, with typically banal results. (In fact, I’ve unfollowed people after getting hammered with tweet after tweet containing nothing but “#followfriday @handle @handle @handle . . .”)
But some folks have started to use the attention generated by Follow Friday to recommend others in a sincere way that does have impact. This can be achieved by recommending just one person in the tweet, and giving a detailed reason why someone would want to follow that person.
Instead of just shotgunning your way through a meme, you’re shining the spotlight on someone who deserves in — and you’re doing it at a time and in a setting when your listeners are *ready* to follow up on a recommendation like that. As merely a meme, Follow Friday is pointless; used this way, it actually does spread the love in ways I think Carnegie would approve.
Geoff, I LOVED these lists. Thanks so much – I’ll be passing them on to every newbie I know.
Great application of timeless principles to the new realm of social media. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, everyone. Glad to see you enjoyed the post!
It is always refreshing to read posts that reflect the essence of social media and challenge us to think deeper about its applicability both in our professional and personal lives. The work of Carnegie and his enduring principles of leadership give breadth and depth to our understanding of the
what, when, how and where of social media. I would add:
Find your voice
Inspire a shared vision
Challenge the process
Enable others to act
Encourage the heart
Lead and collaborate
- The Leadership Challenge, Kouzes, Posner
Excellent post!
Here Here! I bought this book for my best friend this past holiday. Way to make it relevant to the online world. Kinda goes back to the basics: Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Hope you enjoying the holiday weekend Geoff!